Two mornings ago, as I was rushing out, a group of Jehovah’s Witness caught me in the rush. I have no comments on their faith and I do not wish to engage in any discussion or arguments about the differences. So, don’t start one, ok?
Well, they handed me some leaflets. I wanted to take them and get into my car. But bless them, they wouldn’t let me go. They are from different nationalities. I felt kind of bad that these people who probably travelled from far are evangelising for Jesus Christ.
Finally, I gave them the best excuse. I told them I am Catholic. Gave them a bright smile and hope to be relieved off the chore of listening to them.
To me, when I say I am Catholic, I am trying to tell them, “Hey, I am Ms. Know-It-All, you don’t need to share the good news with me…I know them, I can probably share better than you.”
So, they told me, “In this world, everyone is looking for peace. Muslims, Buddhists, Christians…they are all longing for peace but…”
When I heard them bringing in all the other religions, especially Islam, I know I am really, really not interested to listen further.
I ran off in my car with a bright and cheerful, God bless you all!
Phew….
While at the traffic light, I flipped through their leaflet. It has nice drawings, very classic type. And it talks about going to heaven, how nice heaven is, how we are no longer in sickness or weakness.
The drawing shows people gathering fruits. Families happy together. Little girls petting lions. Husbands and wives happy together…and so on and so forth.
Yawn…
Seriously, I maybe a Christian but getting heaven is not my priority. Of course, I am not heading for hell by committing all the sins. But I have never really done anything nice because I want to get to heaven. If I do it, it is because I think it is my Christian’s duty to do so.
Plus, I have no complaints in this world. Yes, maybe when my son just died, I did have very strong urge to make sure that when I die, I will see him again. But now, after 8 years, I sort of take for granted that he is somewhere with God and he is fine. The longings of seeing him again does not bear down on me anymore.
So, if you ask me, I think we are rather superficial if we are only aiming at heaven. Why not just follow Christ, carry His Cross like how Christ was obedient to God and leave everything else to God?
Sort of like when you get a free holiday, you don’t ask what you are going to eat, what you are going to do, where you are going to stay. You know it is free, so be grateful and just let live.
Sometimes it takes me almost an hour to drive from home to church. The stress of traffic jam sometimes robbed me off an otherwise eagerness to be in solitude in the house of God.
There is a 9-day Novena mass leading to Pentecost. I love this period where all the crossroads, indecisiveness and inner dilemmas are miraculously lifted off me.
Novena to me is sort of like one of those motivation camps whereby those money-greedy marketeers get their oomph. For me, it is the faith-hungry me trying to find assurance that my idealistic, simplistic view is not so naive after all. At the end of it, I definitely find something that tells me, “Hey, the Big Boss up there does exist and He is doing great things because you believe in Him.”
That has happened many times over. I remember a couple of years back when all three parish priests gave us long, boring sermons. In one of those boring talk, I did find something that made sense to me. It prodded me to be more vocal with my opinions.
Then, there is another year when I faced those, “Can I really do this?” and at the end of it, I did go out and do it and came out of it much wiser, humbled, enlightened and touched. I hope, I had somehow leave some indelible marks on those whom I had shared with. (too bad, some of them have died so they won’t be around to tell me)
I am glad I had jotted down all those thoughts when inspiration hits me. Pentecost 2008 and another one in 2008 and Pentecost 2009
So, what’s my dilemma? Lately, I don’t have the luxury of popping by church which was previously only 4 mins drive on Sunday mornings or max 15 mins during normal days. Now, I had to organise my time, cooking dinner early, get the kids to eat and rush one hour before time. Usually, I decided to skip after all the rush.
I miss the marathon of Novena. I want to attend all 9-days. But I won’t be able on most evenings. I hate not being able to do that. Cos at the end of this 9 days, I want to be sure that Big Boss up there is still watching over me.
Powerful verses I gleaned from the Bible today. Faith can get diluted when one hears too much of preachings. You just come to one point when you realised your religion is a men made god religion.
Mark 7:6-8
He replied, “Isaiah was right when he prophesied about you hypocrites; as it is written:
” ‘These people honor me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
They worship me in vain;
their teachings are but rules taught by men.’[a] 8You have let go of the commands of God and are holding on to the traditions of men.”
Few days ago, I attended some faith related event as a citizen journalist. Initially, I was so happy to see so many pastors and priests whom I had met previously. I felt jubilant to see our brothers and sisters-in-Christ, under one roof, sharing one meal together.
But soon, that excitement waned when all I hear are demands and more demands. Things that could have been solved elsewhere, in a town council meeting perhaps.
I was getting frustrated to a point when I toyed with the idea of taking the mike and say something to remind some people that I am not getting the ‘Christian feel’ but a miscommunicated community. I was struggling with my question and needed time to phrase it without sounding like I am dissing the hundreds of holy men and women.
I know I would and could but thank God, one lady pastor finally said something that displayed our Christian’s characteristics. She thanked the VIP there and gave him encouragement and support. Then, another pastor came up and asked, “What can we, as a Body of Christ, under one umbrella, do for the state?”
Finally, Hallelujah! At least there are some people who didn’t waste a good opportunity to bringing the various churches together.
What I had wanted to hear most was how the various churches can come together to provide support to the poor, needy, homeless, sick, captives and etc. Yes, they do have their various ministries and evangelizing groups. But can there not be a group which will put the community, i.e. the people first before the glorification of their own churches? Like a simple organisation that don’t beams ‘I am a Jesus Christ follower, I am holy.’
I do not mean, putting Christ under the bed. Instead, let our Christian values shine through our acts.
At the end of the event, there was a group prayer for the leader. When it is finally over, I joked with him that he is extra holy now because so many holy men and women had prayed for him. Anyway, God bless him and may our prayers touched his heart and give him courage, vigour, perseverance and love to serve the state.
Today, I went to cover a church leaders with the CM event at the Masyarakat Penyanyang. I was so pleased to meet Father Stephen. I have always see him as the springboard of my faith.
I am very sure if I have met other priests, I would have become a drop-out of RCIA. I am too cynical, too self-assured, too control freak to be able to figure out faith from religion. So much so, I would probably be writing my own bible because the real one is just too messy and confusing to me.
But Father Stephen had been the man of few words but his words are wise words. I still can’t figure out why some people do not know how to appreciate good priests. They prefer kind ones who don’t challenge their ‘man made god theory’ I guess.
It was just last Saturday, I encountered the CM with a side I have rarely seen in public. Everyone is guessing if he is a Christian. Guess no more, there is no answer to that. But that man has faith. Some will say he is a politician playing the tune of the audience. But you can see for yourself how much is ‘playing’ and how much is faith.
Today, Monday, I again attended another Christian event and he again preached to the crowd. This time, it is not just any crowd but the Bishops of Catholic and Anglican churches, pastors and elders of all the churches in Penang.
Anyway, I was reflecting. Many years ago, before my conversion to Christianity, I had received many good advices from Father Stephen Liew (who is now in St. Anne’s). Whenever I encountered problems, he always reminded me to have faith, let the Lord leads, all in the Lord’s time and etc. It is not pure spewing of Bible verses but he gave me the different situations between trusting God and trying to control God.
Today, I am glad I have somewhat paid back what I gained from following Christ. It is not often one gets to air things related to Christianity. And I am blessed to be able to do that. Meeting Father Stephen again reminded me how much I have grown in faith and matured in Christ.
It started with me looking for photos of Ching Ming or Qing Ming to produce the video I wanted to do. Actually I am not too sure how I want to produce my video on Ching Ming. Should I do it from my point of view which will be a combination of my Christian faith and my Chinese culture? Or do I just make a visual thing of Ching Ming without loading my opinions into it?
So, I dug out my old external hard drive and started skimming through the thousands of photos and files. I immediately forgot what I was searching for and got mesmerised with how much my boys have grown and how much older I am now.
There are photos from 2002 with baby photos of Vincent, his funeral and his ashes. And then, I stumbled upon files from my very old Dell computer which I had given away. I didn’t remember backing up those files.
But I did and the old Word document files are there. My RCIA notes are nicely typewritten because I am such a perfectionist. I had typed out the notes, questions, reflections for every lessons. Even those classes which I didn’t attend.
Now I look back and remember how much RCIA had helped me through my bereavement. It was a journey that I took alone, with only Jesus as my guiding light. I marveled at the kind of faith I have. Though back then, I don’t know anything much about Jesus, I wrote like I know Him.
My first question to the RCIA facilitators was ‘Is Jesus God too?’ But I didn’t attend the next lesson so I didn’t know what’s their explanation. Now I know, it is about the Holy Trinity. In Christianity, you cannot have one without the other and vice-versa.
I attended my first RCIA class on May 26, 2002. Vincent died on May 1st, 2002. So, I really jumped into a new faith within weeks. My first notes:
Introduction – Date : May 26, 2002
First lesson just cover introduction among facilitators and participants. Understood that everyone who wants to be a Catholic has to complete the whole course and go through several rites. Schedule to complete in Easter 2003.
I have two parts of the journal I kept. When I have time, I hope to find the point when I discovered I was pregnant with Matthew. I am the lucky one. I journey through RCIA with death, pregnancy and then, birth. Therefore, if my faith is stronger than others, that’s because I was thrown into the deepest ocean and I swam back to land.
