This is actually a self-confession that I have failed in my mission to stick to vegetarian fasting for 40 days. But never mind, I haven’t gone all the way yet. I stick to fishes and hence, I am now a fishietarian!
Today, I was watching Licence to Grill which is a cook show about grilled foods. The Robert guy was making a venison grill and quails as well. My little boy who was sitting down on the sofa with me gave me a cheeky look and said, “Aigh, aigh, aigh….you are thinking of eating that meat……”
It was a funny expression from him. A cheeky smile with a glint in his eyes. He knows how hard it is a struggle for me because sometimes I look foolish picking out the little pieces of things from my foods just to ’stay within the boundary’.
Then, he put up both hands in a fluttering manner and said, “Temptation……meat…..temptation…”
I guess he has got the meaning of fasting. I told him it is something I try to do eventhough I don’t find it easy.
Later on, we went out for dinner. There was a plate of belacan fried chicken and a steamed fish plus brinjals. Since there are so few of us, I cannot afford to order dishes to suit me.
So, I ate the fish which is rather big. He saw me eating and said, “aigh…you eat fish. Fish is meat, you know?”
I told him, “No, fish is fish. Jesus always eat fish in the Bible. Go back and check. He grilled fish by the beach after He was resurrected. Anyway, if mommy doesn’t eat this fish, you all cannot finish it. Moreover, my legs will not have strength to walk if I ate only these brinjals.”
That’s how the fishietarian term comes about. We are going to an island holiday in Thailand tomorrow. I am not going to miss eating seafoods. Fishietarians, remember?
Last Saturday, I had to cancel my lector’s duty because I had a bad flu that affects not only my voice, even my hearing wasn’t working well too. So, I attended the Sunday morning mass instead of my Saturday’s sunset mass.
Somehow, going to church on Sunday morning 10 am doesn’t give me the same feeling like a 7 am mass. I am not sure why but I get this ’showy Christians weekend activity’ feel whenever it is a Sunday. It is more like a social thing than a solemn one-on-one communion with God thing.
There will be the regular crowds of happy families with many kids. The all dressed up aunties with honeycomb hair. The Simpsons family….ok ok, I make the last one up. Then, the ‘gimme your money or God is going to be so angry with you for being so stingy’ people who will be asking if I want to buy books, lottery tickets, cookies, cakes, dinner tickets…..
Usually, at this time of the year, during Lent, there is a solemn feel to church. No flowers, no Gloria, no Alleluia….But I can’t feel the solemnity yet. I fast. I remind myself about Lent. I read. I ponder. Yet, the overwhelming feelings where one is on the verge of tears over God’s grace, sacrifice of His only Son, the joy that it is the run up to the anniversary of my baptism and etc just don’t eat up the insides.
There is no mountaintop feelings. Nor dark valley feelings as well. Psalm 23 failed to bring tears to my eyes. And that is bad news. Usually Psalm 23 breaks my heart. It was the first Psalm I learned before I know Christianity. It was the Psalm Doc C read over the coffin of my fourth son. It was the Psalm that made me sobbed during the several RCIA rites I went through. I always cry with Psalm 23.
But nah ah, no feel. Where have the feelings gone?
Well, I think this is the restlessness mentioned in the book I was reading. I bought some book to guide me for Lent. It says one is supposed to feel a sense of restlessness. I haven’t peek into what Week 3 is supposed to bring. Don’t want to spoil the suspense. (actually, I don’t know where I stuffed the book)
I always try to observe something that I have to physically do during Lent to remind me of the run-up to Good Friday and then, Easter. For a Catholic convert like me, each Easter is an anniversary for me.
So, I look forward to it with some excitement. To make it more memorable, a little sacrifice each day made it more meaningful. Maybe cradle Catholics and especially Christians who have been Christians all their lives will not understand the big fuss I kick up over Lent.
They will not understand why I have to keep whining and ranting, complaining and repeating about the difficulties of staying on course of eating only vegetables and eggs. Why don’t I just shut up and not do anything, eat whatever I want? No one asks us to do it, you know?
No one can understand how difficult it is for a ‘praying Chinese who used to pray to every deities, rocks and even non-existent beings’ to adopt a new way of prayer. Praying to only One God and that One God whom I can embrace from three different angles. For 38 years, I had a totally different way of looking at my Divine Being.
For 38 years, it was all reward and sacrifice. If I offer such sacrifices of roasted pigs and ducks, I expect to be rewarded with good health, wealth and lots of jades and golds.
Now, it is a much simplified way of thinking. My Lord only asks of me to be obedient to Him, offer myself as His instrument and let Him handle everything else. He said He knows what I want and what I need without even telling Him.
So, it is a huge change and one needs to adapt to this new way of loving a new God. Hence, I have to do all the things that I am doing such as remembering that it is Lent. Recalling God’s Grace for me and my families during the most difficult times we went through, i.e. during the illness and then, the death of my son.
The little action I have to do each day so that I can remember I am Christian. The ‘oh shit, I am suppose to eat no meats’ exclaimation when I forgot.
Such is the orientation period we Catholic converts go through as we journey along as a Christian. Come to think of it, I have done marvellously well these 7 years. At the end of it, I can proudly say that I did it on my own free will, on my own accord and I did it because I want to do it.
The below is taken from letters to Malaysiakini. It has a very clear explanation on the use of the term ‘Allah’ by Christians. The letter is written by Dr SK Teoh
and published on Jan 7, 10 in Malaysiakini.
Malaysians are naturally anxious about the recent controversy about the ‘Allah’ issue. However, many are not fully aware of the facts of the case, thus giving rise to unnecessary concerns and fears.
1. The word ‘Allah’ is an Arabic word meaning ‘God’ and has been used by Christians long before the 7th century and is currently used by Christians in Arab-speaking countries. Thus the term is not the monopoly of Islam.
2. During the translation of the Bible, Christians follow the principle of using the term in the local language for God. The Hebrew term for God is ‘El’ or ‘Elohim’, the Greek word is ‘Theo’, French is ‘Dieu’, and ‘ShangTi ‘ in Chinese.
In English, ‘God’ is used and never has ‘Allah’ appeared in the English Bible. This will answer accusations that the term ‘Allah’ was never found in the Bible.
3. The Bible had been translated in the Malay language as early as 300 years ago, and the term ‘Allah’ was chosen as it was the word used by the people in the region. Thus, the Malaysian church did not introduce the term only recently.
4. Twenty million Indonesians use the Al-Kitab where the term ‘Allah’ had been used in a country with 90% Muslims who have not been ‘threatened’ in the last 80 years. Why the fears in Malaysia?
5. Bahasa Malaysia Bibles and publications have been restricted for use only within the churches and have been prohibited from being available in public areas. Christians have reluctantly accepted this restriction over the last 30 years. During this time, there was never any evidence that Christians have intentionally ‘confused’ the Muslims.
6. However when the authorities stopped the printing of Bahasa Malaysia and even Iban Bibles, and prohibited the Catholic Herald (which is only sold within the churches), there was no choice but to go to the courts for a solution. There is no intention to ‘provoke’ any sentiments.
7. With the national language policy over the last 50 years, Malaysians (especially Christians from Sabah and Sarawak) are more familiar with the use of Bahasa Malaysia in churches, and the term ‘Allah’ has become part of their vocabulary.
It is thus necessary for Christians using Bahasa Malaysia and other indigenous languages to use the therm ‘Allah’ in Bible studies, prayer and worship.
1 Corinthians 15:58 (New International Version)
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
This verse seems to speak to me when I was struggling with all those things that don’t make sense.
Stand firm. Not in our stance but rather in our faith.
I believe and I pray that the Lord will guide our church leaders on what to do next. I have faith that our Lord Jesus will find us a path that’s best for us.
Didn’t they persecute and put our Lord on the cross to silent Him? Didn’t He rise again? Therefore, if we are strong in our faith, nothing can shake us.
Just now, I was a little disturbed. So many weird comments are coming in. They probably make sense to those who wrote and expressed their thoughts. Therefore, I let them pass through.
I am not going to bother. And I know one of these days, I may get into trouble if this thing escalates. For the Bible said, give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord. I never see my writings as accidental. I have read back some of those old posts I wrote and I know they are not my work.
Otherwise, how could one random post I write about doormats get the attention of the CM many months ago?
Today, when I looked back at things I wrote two years ago, after some religious tolerance forum, I realised that my work has not been in vain. Yes, I write many nonsensical stuffs but there are nuggets of wisdom in those. Today, some of those pages are viewed over and over again.
I do not know who reads them but the stats showed that some of these pages are often found by random surfers. May they be enlightened. I do not care which faith they profess. I have always been respectful of others’ faiths. I shall leave it to the Lord to do the rest.
Two days ago, we were asked if we wish to participate in collecting feedback regarding the Allah issue. I offered to do it. Now, we aren’t supposed to discuss it because by doing so, it means we are in contempt of the court.
Do you find it awfully funny that they can challenged it and yet, we cannot even speak about it? Anyway, there are still options for us to cover this issue. But right now, I am not sure how much I am willing to put my neck out. My fear is the repercussion it may cause the church in whole.
So, I shall take the person’s words yesterday, Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth. (Matthew 5:5). And to those illiterate, ignoramus, I am not talking about grabbing the piece of land we are standing on. It is about the kingdom of Heaven.
