A post to clear my jumbled thoughts

I started the course by Fr. Ignatius Huan yesterday morning. The course lasts 6 weeks, twice a week, 2 hours each day. And you know what? I do not even know the title of the course except that it is psychology and spirituality.

Fr. Huan is a very ‘teacher’ type of lecturer and thank God, I do not find the course confusing at all. However….my issue is how I have to keep reminding myself that psychology and spirituality are meant to work hand-in-hand. All these while, I have them in separate compartments. When people have problems, they are not being spiritual enough. When people are too spiritual, they are not in touch with reality and becoming ‘mental’. Oh well…that’s my perception of both spiritual and psychology.

Therefore, I have problems trying to open up my mind and try to allow the two to blend. Mostly, my mind goes on a whirring, frenzied speed when Fr. Huan is talking. This is a good sign, of course. I am not losing concentration but instead, working doubly hard to unravel his words and go ‘aha….’ in my mind.

Yesterday and today, Fr. Huan talked about self-actualisation which is part of Abraham Maslow’s theory. He said, we humans work towards that highest level, i.e. self-actualization. I went….aha…that’ was the problem I had. I had reached self-actualisation at some part in my life and no wonder, I was bored with life. Self-actualisation means we have achieved nirvana of sorts. I did write that I was too contented with life, having good family, enough money, role in the community and know who I am and what I wanted.

That’s why I ventured to the deeper waters of wanting to be a mission worker and talked to Fr. Fabian. He got me into Mt. Miriam as a volunteer and I am actually enjoying myself with this new world where I face the realities of sufferings, pain, deaths and grieving.

Today, Fr. Huan talked about our ego which is our self. The self that Carl Jung talked about. He touched on the soul, the spirit and our conscious and unconscious self. And I discovered how spirituality and psychology will help us to work towards self-transcendency.

This is where I have another problem again. I always am the smug one who usually thinks she is smarter than the rest. I sat there and looked bored although my mind went whirrrrrr..spinnnnn….rewind and forward. Fr. Huan said in order for our unconscious self to ‘talk’ to our ‘ego’ (this is not the generic self-ego, ego), we need to go through sufferings and love before actually realising the presence of God. And I was thinking, ‘yayaya, been there, done that’ and I discovered that what Fr. Huan is teaching is what I have gone through at some part of my life. The difference is I never put those past experiences into compartments and actions that are described by Fr. Huan.

So, hmmm….I think I am in the course more for self-discovery, self-realisation and with the Lord’s gentle guide, I am working towards self-transcendency.

Oh yes, there is an exam but for us laypersons, we do not have to sit for the exam. However, the seminarians (all six of them) have to sit for the exam. I am going to sit for the exam and hope this course will help me with the CPE course that I was aiming for.