One of my new year resolution for 2008 is to fill this faith blog with entries. When there are things to write here, it means I am still in touch with the spiritual side of life. There are times when I am totally disconnected with God, Christ and faith. This can happen to everyone and spiritual journey for me is like a broken down vessel. Sometimes, I chug along, half believing. Sometimes, I get so passionate about faith. Sometimes, I just stop bothering.
But 2008 has been kind to me. I re-look at some of my posts in 2008 and wish to recollect some important moments.
Lent came early in 2008 and I forced myself to go on vegetarian fasting on the first day of Chinese New Year. It wasn’t easy because I am the ‘anchorwoman’ in preparing the meals in my own family and also my in-laws side. I remember preparing a nice lunch for my inlaws and I didn’t get to eat them.
2008 was the great revival in Malaysian politics. The year when I was so interested in election campaigns. I think I had the wake-up call from Father Fabian. I always look back fondly at the first impression I had of our new assistant parish priest. Of course, Father Fab is not exactly new but he came to Cathedral of the Holy Spirit and showed me a side of Catholicism that sort of make me more ‘human’. Gone were the constipated rights and wrongs I can and cannot do, gone were the ‘am I doing this right?’ pressures of being part of the church and gone were the ‘rituals above everything’ kind of style.
In March, just before the elections on March 8th, I went to almost every election talk. I remember squatting in the darkness at our basketball court, listening to our future-Penang CM. Back then, none of us expect him to be the CM. Yet, he was humble enough to come and stop by to shake my hands eventhough I don’t give a hoot to him. Others were standing up as a respect to shake his hands as he went around the court, but I wasn’t interested to polish shoes so I continued sitting cross-legged on the cement ground. Since then, our Penang CM has visited our church twice. One on Good Friday and another time on Christmas Eve. That makes him very ‘likeable’ as a politician. Months later, I discovered that the CM quoted something I wrote about being doormats.
I think my faith receives some sparks from the challenging homilies from Father Fabian. I am not afraid to stay that if not for some of his homilies, I probably muddle along in this faith journey, trying to be ‘good’ without getting into trouble. I began to see the meaning of the rituals we had. Pentecost, Corpus Christi, Lent and etc. During the nine days novena during Pentecost, I attended almost all the homilies and Archbishop John Ha’s (from Sarawak) homilies made me feel accepted as a convert. I must say that it was a great awakening for me.
Later on, I started to find out that Father Fabian had stumbled and read my personal blog and he even praised has kind words for me. For once, I stop feeling so rotten as a person. A person needs that affirmation that it is ok to screw up sometimes and that is not being a hypocrite. If one priest is not enough pressure, I also found out that Father Edwin and Father Simon too knew about my blog. Since then, I have stopped bothering if they are still peeking into the thoughts I have because I have the contention that it is the one lost sheep that matters. I will be the leader of the lost sheeps then.
So, the balance of the year 2008 was spent doing something that enriches me spiritually like being a volunteer in pastoral care. My only regret is I didn’t get the chance to take up the first unit in September 2008. However, in is all In His Time, so I shall wait. I also took up the course by Father Huan and discovered many things that I had previously brushed asides. It may not help me spiritually but knowing my own weakness is liberating.
Therefore, yes, 2008 has been kind to me, spiritually. My faith has strengthened, I am more aware of why I do good (which was an issue to me because I find people who do things to gain something else are hypocrites and I do not want to become one), I overcame some of my fears (of old folks and ill people) and I hope 2009 will be even better.
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