Believing in God when there is nothing else to hold on to

I used to deal with grief support. Initially, I turned to a group in the USA but later on, when I have somewhat recovered, I started my own Yahoo group for local moms. Grief support is something that is not easy to deal with. Many of the earlier members have told me that they had to leave the group after they are much stronger as listening to another parent and the loss of their child is too much for them to bear.

I do not blame them but I do feel frustrated at times when more people come to us and there aren’t many who are there for the newly bereaved parents. So, the burden fell on me. I had wanted to shut the registration but when one mom after another come with their recent loss, I couldn’t walk away.

Such are mails I have to write and with each mail, it means some tears.

Hi YC
I dare not tell you that I know how you feel because each of us have our own set of problems. I had three sons to face when my baby Vincent died. But my hubby coped ok except that he has shown very little feelings, which was my main anger then.

So, without making you further emotional, can I point out a few things?

1) Your daughter – You have to somehow focus on her and keep her understand and in touch with her feelings. Find ways to see what she wants to tell you.
2) Your husband – Men and women grieve differently and sometimes, tensions can increase. In a couple, one party will be the tougher one, so if it is your role, then, the only way forward is to keep going and hold up the family.
3) Beliefs – I used to be a Taoist and I know all about these rebirths and etc. My son’s coffin wasn’t sealed because they told me he is expected to ‘leave’ and has a fast rebirth as another person. It is very hard to accept. So, can you for your own happiness believe in angels and the after life? Not rebirths but being alive in another plateau and that our child is still very much a person that used to belong to us? This will means a clash in your beliefs and the Christianity way of thinking. But whatever that works and keep our hopes alive, that is more important.
Remember that there is no end to what you are feelings. It just gets easier but our child is very much alive in our hearts.

Take care and write all you want. It is the only way I managed to got through those early months. We are here for you.

Hugs, Lilian

I have tried leaving the past and just forget all about grief support. But each time when I seriously want to do that, someone will come by with a bigger problems than the last. Babies died in their babysitters’ hands. Children died due to wrong diagnosis. Accidental deaths from perfectly routine things and etc. These are times when I know the Lord reminded me that ‘The workers are few, the field is huge.’

In all my communications, I never push religion but when you deal with death of a child, there is no way that a parent can cope without some hope in the Almighty. I have Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Buddhists and freethinkers in the group and our different faith was never a deterrent. All we seek is comfort in knowing that our child is alright somewhere out there. And that’s when resurrection and the Muslims belief of dunia akhirat become so important for us.