Celebration of six years of being in Christ

Sometimes, it is funny how things turned out. I am the one who normally arrange the duty roster. I was only aware of the mass this evening on Sunday morning when I read the bulletin. So, I consulted my ‘chief’ and she told me who to ask. I frantically tried to contact all the names and they are not able to due to work commitments. I tried calling a few others whom I know do not work (and therefore should be able to). They are unable too.

Last night, I almost have nightmare because the mass is this evening and I am still short of one person. I wouldn’t want to do the reading because firstly, I am a terrible worry wart who needs a week to prepare myself. Secondly, I do not want people to think that just because I am the one who arrange the roster, I keep putting myself on duty. I know I am possibly the worst of the lot because my English pronunciation sometimes come out like Bahasa Malaysia. For example, I still have problem pronouncing ‘covet’. Thirdly, it is a feastday and the Bishop is here.

But sixth sense or common sense told me to get to church first thing this morning and get the reading. I started practice while I keep SMS-ing a few more people if they are able to do the duty. I feel bad because I know they are at work and they wouldn’t be able to get the reading from the church office. However, I was prepared to scan and email the PDF format to whoever agrees.

By noon, no one is available. I made one final push. I asked my chief if she can do it. She is not able to attend and asked me to do it. Well, I am nervous by then.

I saw the reading and it is a powerful one. I am uncomfortable with those ‘powerful commanding’ reading whereby the lector sounds like he/she is telling the congregation what to do…which in actual fact is St. Paul telling the people in Corinth. But that’s what lectors do. We have to empty ourselves and let the Word of God resonates through us.

And thank God everything went well because the Bishop used the reading over and over again. I shudder to think what would happened if my reading has not been clear to the congregation. We have been reminded by Father FA that lectors are supposed to prepare the congregation so that when the priest breaks the Word of God to them, they can connect with what they heard.

If lectors goof up, which is ok if it happens ONCE in a while, the people tend to dwell on that mistake and they will have problem getting into the mood to hear the Word of God during the homily.

Maybe I am such a worry wart but I take my duty very seriously. When I was driving to church, I prayed over and over again. Oh Jesus, You know I am the meekest and my voice quivers when I get nervous, why lah I kena be on duty? Good Lord, please do not let me stumble, please give me courage, please empty me of all my fears and pride and doubt and fill me with Your Holy Spirit..

I guess it is such a special thing to be a Christian because we have a God who feels our fears. I feel so jubilant when I was reflecting during mass. How I have come a long way. How my son’s death have united my family with God. How his death did not spell the end of his young life but rather, the eternal life of being Christians. The life he gave to me, my boys and family.

I do wish Father Stephen was here tonight. He was instrumental in bringing the church to a cathedral. He has a lot of influence on my conversion. But he wasn’t there. I suppose if he did, I would have cried, being overwhelmed with the sense of jubilation of being a Christian. If he was there, I would recall more vividly how I was six years ago, all greenhorn, all clueless and yet, true faith in God.

Still, I feel so proud that I have journeyed for six years as a Christian. I feel so wise when what I wrote yesterday night was mentioned by Bishop. Well, it is a coincident, that he said we must be instrument of peace. That’s what I wrote too. I do not ask for much. I only ask that I am a useful Christian, placing God’s will ahead of me.

I hope my reading of ‘You are God’s building’ and ‘You are a temple of God’ have imprinted on the congregation.

Thank God for six years.