This is something that I wrote on May 18th 2002 which is more than five years ago. I was recovering from the grief of losing my son who died on May 1st 2002. I had it archived on a memorial site I build call Little Hero. Reading back, it still bring some tears but at the same time, I am amused at my innocence. I only embraced Christ and baptised in Easter 2003 along with my four sons. When I wrote that, I have no idea about Christianity and probably haven’t started my RCIA.

I guess things have turned out pretty well for me in these five years. I had another baby. Thank God and I know He heard my prayers, eventhough it is sometimes written and posted on the internet. Hey, God is internet savvy too, you know? What? You didn’t watch Bruce Almighty? Just press the Yes to all!

May 18th 2002

I am a new member and wonder whether I am in your list. I certainly have heard about you and had been impressed with what you have done for me. I guess you probably had taken me under your wings. Otherwise, I won’t be writing to you, right?

To begin with, I am not born into your ‘circle’ because my mum and dad have different thoughts. However, with the amount of things that life has thrown into my path I guess I had no choice but to turn to you. I know you are there for me when I am going through the worst that life can offer. I hope that I have been a good girl because I have never asked for any special treatment from you. I never expect you to perform any miracles for me. I never blame you or get angry with you.

.....post continues after advertisement

Being such a good girl, I hope you will reward me with a few small favours. I pray to you to give me courage, endurance, patience, strength and wisdom so that I can face each day with dignity. I also pray to you to take care of my brood comprising my three gorgeous sons, Jeffrey, Michael and David. Please protect them from harm and guide them so that they will become wise adults someday. You know that it will be hard for me to be totally devoted to you and yet torn apart with guilt if my devotion to my other half is not in the same path. So, please God, do some magic and bring my other half under your wings. I pray everyday that somehow he will come to you for salvation.

I hope you don’t find me asking too much. Can you also give my friends who have lost their children and also my friends with children requiring special care the same kind of courage, endurance, patience, strength and wisdom? All of us women need that, Lord. Not forgetting is the little babies and children. Please take special care of all the sick ones and protect the happy ones.

In return, I agree to accept whatever plans you have for me. I will try my best to swallow all the good and the bad things. No complaints, promise. But, please treat me with a big dose of love that you are famous for, so that I can spread it around my world. And please, please send me a sign that you are taking care of my precious Vincent. I know you are but can I just have another glimpse of him - In my dreams, maybe?

I don’t why I am writing to you because I had been talking to you all the time! But I guess you have given me the gift of writing. So I need to write, right?

Thank you. Thank you God!