Epiphany

Today is the Epiphany of the Lord. I do not know much about its significance except the visit of the Three Kings to pay homage to baby Jesus. However, I have a rush of overwhelming feelings which is so hard to explain. I do not know what hit me except that I was between feeling happy and yet, there was this totally sadness that envelops me.

By nature, I have ’sixth sense’ to things. I guess I know why I suddenly felt like crying. And I did shed tears even by the responsorial psalm.

Tomorrow, all school children are going to start Year One. None of my kids go to the primary school this year. My little boy will only attend Primary One next year. But still we have taken great trouble to find him colour co-ordinated water bottle, lunch box, pencil box and bag that he fancies. So, I was feeling very happy.

But the sadness that made me cried was someone else. I had been wondering for days if he is around to see his eldest son going to Standard One. I wonder if they have problems getting all the school bags and things, what with their financial position now. I gave his wife my phone but I didn’t take theirs because the nun discouraged me from keeping contacts with the patients. I had broken the rule of providing them my number but it does not matter to me.

So, I was between thankful to the Lord for the blessings on my family and at the same time, frustrated that there are others who are going through a hard time.

Tomorrow, if I have the chance, I am going to go over to the primary school and I pray hard that the wife is there and he is still hanging on. I am very afraid to meet the wife because I do not know how to console her. Her life has been totally upset. They need to move over here from another state due to his illness. She may need to struggle on as a single mom when he is not around. And medically, we know he cannot hang on for long. He has left the hospital where I volunteer for another state down south. It has been almost a month since I heard from his family.

Is there really a miracle? Only miracles can keep him long enough to see his son enter primary one. This is very hard for me to comprehend. Some people are so blessed, some are struggling so hard.

That’s when a few words from the homilies that opened my eyes. Father Fab said when we have encountered problems and are able to arise from that and move on, it shows the manifestation of God in us. It shows the Jesus in us who helped us to overcome them. That’s Epiphany.

And I am going to try to overcome this helplessness of seeing more and more people dying, leaving a broken hearted, young family around. I feel angry that though I can see, I cannot do much except to listen or to give an assuring presence that I am there. I can only pray that these broken and grieving people will rise above their sadness and move on. I know I had somehow received my epiphany. I can overcome.