Going by the ‘feel’

This song is playing on my iTunes. It is Leon Jackson’s Ordinary Days.

Today, I attended the Malaysia Day celebration which turned out to be the most boring thing on earth. I am not cut out to sit down and just listen. It was two draggy hours of officialdom which probably killed all my hyperactive cells.

I brought my DSLR along so that took care of my boredom a bit when I went around shooting people’s faces. In the meantime, my video camera was rolling on its own.

I don’t recall my mother or older siblings ever nagged me about ‘hangat-hangat tahi ayam’. I normally follow through everything I do. But the problem is I get bored after a while. Then, everything becomes ordinary. Like the ordinary days.

Now, I am sick of citizen journalism. There are two parts about citizen journalism. One is the hard work of pouring in all your emotions, your time, your energy and in the process, sacrificing my fair skin to a brown skin now. I love doing that but it is sometimes too emotional draining.

I am the type who goes all the way so if I decided to take up an issue, like Kampung Buah Pala for example, I see it through. So, I am trying not to meddle into something draining like that. I don’t want to feel, or get angry or get frustrated over other people’s problems. But I know, up there, somewhere, the Big Boss will not let me go so easily. I will wake up one morning and get the flash of inspiration to tackle an issue.

Meanwhile, there is the easy part of attending press conferences. It is darn easy. It gives me some nice stories and hot news. But sometimes, I wonder if I would still do it if I am going to see someone I despise every day? If let’s say the leader is the previous one, will I even care to wake up in the morning, get ready to find some news? I think not, truth to be told. Unless I want to find someone to annoy.

I am supposed to begin my filming and producing the four parts of the fellowship videos. Yet, I haven’t find the feel yet. I want to find a moment when I can cry when I see a disabled child. That’s when I can get the best angle of the story. So, until I get the ‘feel’, I am just going on a cruising mode, attending boring can die press conferences.

Meanwhile, I will pray that the Lord will find plenty of things to keep me alive. Being alive is being able to feel for others, having the desire to do something that can alleviate a person’s pain/suffering/burden/wateva and most important of all, do it without expecting anything in return. Thank God that He has richly blessed me in that sense.