Here I am is not good enough

I have to force myself out of bed at 6 am on Sunday morning because I couldn’t attend mass on Saturday or the regular 10 am on Sunday due to the long hours of the course I am taking. I was torn between skipping church, steal a few more hours of sleep or crawl out of bed and get to church.

I went because I know I am going to feel guilty of skipping mass and I do not want the nagging feelings the whole week. However, I made a boo boo during one of the hymns because the lyrics is something like ‘if you lead me’ but I sang ‘if you NEED me’. Walaueh, God certainly doesn’t need me! Lucky I am not a cantor so no one hears me, I guess.

The funny thing with going for mass is sometime, we just seem to miss the whole point. Sometimes, things struck us like a thunderbolt. This morning, while I was still sleepy, I got awakened by the verse from Samuel. I have heard about this paragraph many times.

However, things make sense to me, even before the homily. It was from the first reading and when the lector repeated the “Here I am Lord, You called me.’ three times, I knew what was coming. Or rather, I have already ‘hear the homily’ in my mind.

This paragraph is about this young boy, Samuel whom was called by God. Samuel was very young and hence, each time God called him, Samuel just wait for things to happen.

It is the same with us. Many times, as Christians, we know we have to do something but we often refrain from responding, hoping for bigger, louder and more significant signs before we actually say it willingly, “Ok, Boss, at Your service, ready anytime You are, I am listening and willing to follow.”

So Eli told Samuel, “Go and lie down, and if he calls you, say, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’ ” So Samuel went and lay down in his place.

10 The LORD came and stood there, calling as at the other times, “Samuel! Samuel!”
Then Samuel said, “Speak, for your servant is listening.”

So, being a listener is not good enough. Like Father FA reminded us, Jesus often asks His followers to ‘Come, follow Me.’ Father FA said it is an ongoing process, where we cannot just stay stationary and hope to serve the Lord.

In conclusion, we cannot just tell God, Here I am. We have to be willing to be led by our instincts, inner voices, stirrings of our hearts, conscience and all those things we know and are familiar with. We won’t be able to experience a booming voice like Samuel did but if we listen hard enough to our own heart, the calling is there, just the same.

Note : Today, Sunday is the 2nd week in ordinary time, the green season.