Graveyards are peaceful and serene. If you go up on those hills in the early morning, you feel a sense of ‘completeness’. Or at least that’s the kind of feelings I get. Nowadays, I don’t get involve with the worshipping and offerings part of the annual Ching Ming festival. So, I goof off by taking photos, sitting down and looking at the surroundings.
There are no grass to clear or weeds to pluck because the graves I went to are very old ones and we cannot even touch anything or the whole tombstone may fall apart. So, I like to sit there while waiting for hubby to do the necessities.
When I am at the grave, I see a whole life picture there. Like how my hubby’s grandparents had died and now, they are left with great grandchildren. If only they are around to tell us stories of their early struggles in this country. None of my hubby’s older four sisters know much about their grandparents. So, each year, we just obediently go to the grave and do what my parents-in-law had instilled in my hubby, who is the youngest son.
Then, there is his uncle who was a young man when he died. His tombstone has almost fallen apart. Right now, it is held up by some bricks. It is kind of sad to see a neglected and broken grave like this. Usually, hubby still brings some cakes and fruits there and burn some stuffs for him. We have totally no idea how he looks like, how old he was when he died and my mother-in-law also never tell us why he died. It is like a great mystery buried there and we won’t ever find out. Still, if we look at it positively, he is not totally forgotten. But someday, this piece of granite will be lost and forgotten when hubby is too old to visit the grave. I doubt any one of my four sons will bother with a grand uncle.
When I was younger, I used to dread the rituals my mother-in-law expected of me. I had to cook the foods early in the morning and bring them to offer to these graves. But now, eventhough I am a Christian and don’t practice any offerings, I still like to pay a visit to these graves. Even if it is just to take some photos or sit there to enjoy the views. Chinese graveyeards usually have fantastic views because they like to be buried high on the hills. Just like how celebrities like to live up in expensive hills, these graves too claimed the same status. My hubby’s great grandparents’ grave command the best view and they were once very rich. Unfortunately, climbing up that hill is too much work and we no longer visit.
I like the above photo. I bought three stalks of yellow roses to my grand parent-in-law’s grave. I intentionally chose roses and sometimes orchids just to show the different faith I have. Chinese usually use only chrysanthemum flowers because it rhymes with ‘full’ of prosperity. So, just to remind my inlaws, I normally rebel and buy anything except prosperity rhyming flowers. This coming Saturday, I am taking my children to my parents-in-law’s grave. My children and I are the only Christians in the family and usually, there are awkward moments when my sisters-in-law absent mindedly handed my children joss-sticks ‘to pray and ask grandpa’s blessings’. So, I normally drilled them in the car before we get down, “I am the commando-in-chief, and you guys only take orders from me.” Usually, I will take my own bunch, gave it to my kids and loudly tell them, put this as a memorial of your grandpa and grandma. We have no problem leaving a joss-stick there but I am against people misunderstanding that we are praying for prosperity, more treasures, more estates and practically, ask the deceased for more, more, more. Give them ancestors a break…they are dead! Doh!
Leave a Reply