When I totally do not know what to say. What can I say? Nothing I can say sounds right. It is probably one of the harder cases that I will face if I choose to do pastoral care.
I am tired of listening to myself telling people that I am not there to offer them any empty promises of miracles. I feel so cruel reminding people that though it is good to hold on to hope and pray for miracles, they also have to face the dreaded d i e word. How do I, a healthy person, tell a sick person to deal with the possibility of death?
It is only when I shared my own experiences that they will open up. I told them how one can get so frighten of the prospect of dying that the fear crippled our being. Sure it is not my own death that I was afraid of. It is the death of my own flesh and bone.
Until and unless I dare to open my own wounds and tell them I understand how hard it is to wake up the next day and the next day and the next day to face each day, they probably hide and withdraw themselves.
They know what I mean when I say it is not something they can confess to their loved ones because they have to act brave and act healthy even when they are wrecked with pains. I offered my ears for them to pour these inner fears. It is through saying out loud that they can grasp the bleak future.
So, can I say that I am gifted to have walked that abyss and can now hold the hands of another person to go through it? I guess so. Not that I have any other way to see it. Sure, I didn’t die. They are the ones who are facing their own death. But they believed when I told them part of me died with my son and I am the closest to the fears of dying itself.
Maybe I should just skip my visit tomorrow and wallow at home on the 7th birthday of my deceased son. But nay, it won’t help. So, let me go out there and brave it out.
Today, for once, I realise that it is painful to lose a son. But it is even more painful to face the prospect of dying and leave behind small children. I really, really do not know what I can do except to listen. And I think that’s pastoral care.
May the Lord have mercy on him and give him more time, lots of courage and showers his family with His care.
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