Let it be

I was driving home from the hospital on Tuesday and suddenly, a bout of ‘the blues’ hit me. So, I was ‘talking to God’ in my mind. I told Him how angry I am with Him because of the sufferings people are going through.

Earlier, I had walked into the hospital feeling a great sense of thanksgiving. The hospital piped music was playing Give Thanks and when I was in the lift alone, I sang along. Give thanks to the Holy One, Give thanks to the …….. Actually I do not know the whole lyrics but I do know, “Give thanks for He is good, Let the weak say I am strong, bla bla bla” or something like that.

But of course, there is nothing much to give thanks in palliative care hospital. An elderly couple was distressed because the woman has misunderstood the doctor and she had bought a ferry ticket to go home today when she actually has to complete five days of treatment. She said she has no more money for flights so she took a ferry. The ferry tickets couldn’t be changed. She has 30 more treatments, how is she going to travel by ferry for her future treatments? Well, I don’t know. The best I can do is to sit there and listen to laments. I always remind myself that I am not God nor a tycoon so I can just listen and pray silently.

Then, another patient who is in a much worse situation chatted with me for a longer time. I told him truthfully that I am not there to cheer him up or give him positive news. I told him very frankly that my role is to help patients deal with a long struggle in the illness, dealing with deaths (though I didn’t put it so direct) and about denial (of illness) and relationship matters.

That’s why when I got out into the bright sunshine, into the happy happy world, I got very angry with God. I feel happy, of course. Because I can walk in and out of the place, back to a home of happy family. But the others are not so lucky. I had been there once, like one of them, so the overwhelming feelings of thanksgiving is tremendous. Between angry and grateful, I started ‘talking to God’.

(Tony Melendez version of Let It Be)

I was probably saying something like, “Wei….I really don’t understand You. Why do all these good people have to endure the sufferings? Will my prayers and the prayers of the others really help? What can I see out of these sufferings? Why, why, why?”

And the spooky song came on air. It is Let It Be by The Beatles. I never like The Beatles and I never pay attention to this song before. But this time, the lyrics hit me.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And I realised. Dying, in the Christian context is not the end of the world. Though I won’t be able to understand, I need to have the faith that these people will still grapple and deal with their sufferings and hardships and get out of it. Just like me, they too will eventually come to cope with life because it is meant to be that way. So, let it be.