Nay….I shall wait

We got lost a lot when driving around the PJ and KL area. During one of the nights, my sons wanted to go to Shah Alam skatepark. So, we drove from PJ to Shah Alam. Getting there was no problem because it was still rather bright and my hubby was sure of the way.

However, when we return, we got terribly lost because of bad road signs. From Shah Alam, we ended up in some foresaken, dark, lonely, industrial area and after much driving, we found ourselves in PJ old town. The signs to UMMC was there and both hubby and I were familiar with the UMMC road leading to where my brother stays.

We also passed by Assunta Hospital. At that time, it was already almost midnight as we spent probably 40 minutes getting lost. Well, at midnight, Assunta and its surrounding area looks rather sombre and sad.

I was pondering if I have the will to phone the nun the next morning to make an appointment with her and tell her I am going to take up the CPE course there. My heart was still in between two decisions then. Stay in my comfort zone or jump in and do it?

Then, after getting into more wrong turns, instead of heading to PJ SS22, we got nearer to UMMC. The thought of UMMC still tugs hard at my heart. I cannot stomach the thoughts of being there, six years ago, bringing my son’s cold body back to Penang. I wonder why hubby and I never get lost, during the grief when I was carrying my son’s body wrapped up to his head with a piece of white cloth while hubby was driving? We did not lost our way then.

But we lost our ways that night. I felt terribly worried and felt so lost, searching for the road sign to SS2 because we know we could get to SS22 from SS2. However, in the dark and quiet night, we seem to missed it several times.

After that disconcerting ride around the UMMC and Assunta roads that midnight, I know I do not have the strength to go alone and take up CPE. I would have to do it alone, going to the hospital at odd hours, facing parents of dying or dead children if I am seriously into CPE. If Assunta is not so near UMMC, with the big sign that says Pusat Rawatan Rapi Kanak-Kanak (Children Intensive Care unit), I probably can put the UMMC memories at the back of my mind.

So, I admit defeat. I won’t do it unless I am offered to do it. What’s the point of me going against everything when none of the parties I am working with or working for put much emphasis to this area of ministering?

Still, I wonder how do we ended up in PJ Old Town when we should be heading from Shah Alam to PJ using the same highway we came from? Maybe it is divine intervention to show me the road is tough so don’t mess with it yet unless I am absolutely ready?