I was at the choir today. Frankly, I really hate getting up on Sunday mornings to attend choir practice. I need to put on some decent clothes, some make-up, some accessories because the senior members there have hawk eyes and sharper mouths. I hate being looked at like a little girl when they tell me I need to comb my hair, wear earrings, wear nice clothes etc. (can’t blame these dear ladies because they are twice my age)

Being in the choir was never in my plan. I mean, who wants to be in boring choir, right? Three years ago, my son wanted to join the children’s choir and I fetched him to practice. But I got ‘conned’ into joining as well. I can’t sing, I can’t read music notes and I sometimes daydream in the midst of singing and enter at the wrong timing.

But you know what they said about ‘God works in mysterious ways’. I have a fantastic ear and I can catch the new tunes and remember them easily even if I do not know a single musical note. I now discovered that I do have a good voice and being able to sing those hymns does bring me closer to the church and Jesus. When I celebrate mass, I do it full heartedly. I gave my all.

So, today, we were having some intense practice and I think we were singing ‘The Most Wonderful Birthday of all’ when the group of cathecuments (spelling?) walked in for their rehearsal. They are going to have their RCIA rites next week. The sight of them, all new and green and the familiar faces of the RCIA facilitators overwhelmed me to tears. They are the people who attend the one year RCIA to know Catholicsm before they can be baptised.

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It is hard to explain the kind of feelings I had. It is like a sign of how far I have journeyed in these four years. Once upon a time, I was that naive group of people, eager to know God and seek God. Today, I feel so glad and so thankful that I had taken that journey. I feel proud that I am still appearing at church, doing church-ie stuffs and still loving God and still eager to find out more about Jesus. It is not an easy thing to do. In fact, just yesterday evening, during the sunset mass, the visiting priest talked about ‘adolescent love’ where converts like me naturally lost interest in being Catholics and start staying away from church after some years. So, I thank God that the fire is still burning bright.

I have a hard time holding back some tears but who notice anyway. It is very hard for those who are born Catholics to know how I feel because they will never understand the overwhelming feelings of being loved by Christ. It is a very powerful feelings and that force that drawn us to the church is very hard to describe.

So, yes, I thank You, Lord. For being with me these four years and nudging me to continue to serve in church. Without all those duties and things I do, I know I will probably find excuses of not attending mass. After all, I have no mommy or daddy whom had ‘forced’ me to attend mass since I can walk. I only have to rely on my own self-discipline and only God can kick a stubborn mule like me to do something that I would otherwise find boring.