I met Fr. Fabian yesterday and told him that my video is up on Malaysiakini and at the point when I was telling him, there have been 11K views. He was just downloading the video at that time and haven’t watch it yet.
He asked me, “Did you get the part about humility and be grateful to God?”
Sometimes, we humans have a certain wavelength with certain people and less receptive to others. With Fr. Fabian, I am all ears and eyes.
I told him, “Yes, that’s my focus. It is all about peace.”
Praise the Lord that I have the foresight to film this humble piece. It has been viewed almost 19,000 times on Malaysiakini.tv. I hope there are some people who had been enlightened that though the court ruled that The Herald can continue their Bahasa Malaysia version with the term Allah, we are not jubilant or jumping with joy. Yes, we feel happy and relieved that there is finally some fair judgement.
But we are reminded to accept it with humility and be grateful to God.
And praise to God that He has granted me the skills to show that our Catholic faith promotes peace and only peace. It has been overwhelming to me.
Today is the first Sunday of Advent. The shopping malls are all decked with Christmas trimmings. The Christmas carols, both solemn and corny types are playing in the air.
To me, there is a huge difference between the Christmas we Christians know and the commercialized Christmas. As I grow in my Christian journey, the differences have become more noticeable and I am glad and praise the Lord that I notice them.
I think it was last year that I learned about the meaning of the Christmas crib. I was in Mount Miriam then and the nuns have the crib in stages. I read and learned about the journey Mary & Joseph took. Day by day, the camels, oxen and sheeps were added to the crib. Baby Jesus was only included at His birth.
Many years ago, when I first embraced Christ, I went through a period of outside looking in. I remembered a year when I was awfully lonely for no reason. I was neither here nor there. My family members do not celebrate Christmas. I was too new as a Christian to know the meaning of Christmas and I couldn’t find it in my heart to celebrate except for the corny stuffs of roasting turkey and etc.
Thank God, as the years go by, now I find more meaning to Christmas. Father Fabian delivered a very strong message to the congregation. Much later, I overheard some folks talked about it being a harsh one. But me, Father Fabian kicks ass and I am glad he delivered this Stay Awake reminder to all of us.
Let’s see….I think I have moved in to this new place for almost a month now. There are still old stuffs left in my old apartment and some of them are actually my treasured stuffs. They are old stuffs but very important to me still. Things like old photo albums and gifts.
Over the weekend, we tried to move a few boxes over and finally, hubby gave up and is going to hire a lorry to move the rest because there is no end to it. It is hopeless to ask me to pack because when I go through the things, I want to pack everything. Meanwhile, he could just throw everything without a blink of an eye.
How I wish moving is as easy as getting a new phone line or Directv. For my phone line, we used back the same name which ended up with a lot of problems. But for our cable tv, we applied for a new account using my name because the company we had is going to charge us more if we shift than for new installation.
It doesn’t make sense. Why are companies like Direct TV made it so easy for their subscribers but not mine. Unfortunately, I don’t live in California or I would be able to get the quick and fast service of Direct TV in California.
Anyway, I have moved house so often enough, I have begun to detach feelings for any place. It is a here today, gone tomorrow. No big deal, no sentimental value to the place. I will just carry a few important things with me that remind me of my late son and the rest can poof for all I care.
Sometimes, it is silly how I get so worked up over doing something so simple as picking up the phone. Why did I agonise over something day after day? I suppose it is that thing call courage that dissipates after too many doubts thrown my way.
I forget that my duty as a Christ follower doesn’t end when I don’t have something ‘real’ to cling to. Like for example, when I was volunteering, I have a badge that says I am a voluntary staff there. That thing gave me the confirmation that I have a purpose and a mission.
But when that was reluctantly returned when I have no more time to volunteer, I had my confidence yanked off as well. I actually allowed that to happen. I forget that whether I belong or not, I belong to Christ and I have a mission on earth. I have a purpose on earth.
This morning, I went to see V’s wife. She was so happy to see me. I shared with her some of the things that V used to tell me when he was sick and dying. He never told his wife about his worries. He was that stoic, strong, brave man who refused to let his wife knows how vulnerable and how fearful he felt. Men are like that. I experienced that when my own son was sick.
That barrier we built because he doesn’t want to appear fearful and wish to be the ‘man’ to show me there is hope. And I was that woman who were on the brink of going crazy with no emotional support. That’s why I volunteer because I know no one knows that fake facade of being stoic better than me.
So, V died without showing his wife he knows he is dying. Today, I managed to tell her a bit of what he shared with me and I believed it helps her alot. I told her how he worries about her not being able to cope with two boisterous boys, no job and how hard it is to educate them. V is very, very concerned with his boys education. They were only 6 and 4 yrs then. He had big plans for the boys, making sure they study well and all.
It is Deepavali and a very joyous occasion at her home. And we managed to remain cheerful and talked about V and his stubbornness. Now, I know why my heart has been so greatly troubled. I was the one with the last few remnants before V died. He never told his wife some of the things that he felt. I filled it in for her. I had done my duty.
There are more to do. And I pray that the Lord will continue to nudge me when my confidence that I belong to Christ is slacking and dipping lower and lower.
Well…at least that’s what I find to be most relevant. I am preparing for my lector’s reading tomorrow. The Gospel of Mark reminds us :
Mark 10:42-45 (New International Version)
42Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 43Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 44and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. 45For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (copied from Biblegateway)
I think we will be living in the perfect world if every one of us can put others before self. But unfortunately no. I remember somewhere in the Gospel, even the mothers of Jesus’s disciples were already asking Jesus if their sons can take over when Jesus said He is going away (to die).
Then, there is another scene where the disciples were arguing with each other who will be the leader when Jesus is not around anymore.
Such are our human nature. Everyone wants power, control, high office and more. So, great is the man (woman included) when they can abstain from these lure and continue serving and doing things without expectations.
And remember, serving is not putting on an act that you are actually on the ground level playing dramas of feeding the poor or stroking the sick. Serving is doing something that no one appreciates, no one praises, no one notices and no one cares. Sometimes, it may means getting mocked, ridiculed and condemned. Yet, there is the feeling of joy in the heart. That kind of joy that flows from the soul which is of God.
Gee…I think I must continue my lector ministry because if I can do a reading once a month and get these sort of enlightenment, then, I am worthy of His grace.
