I still cannot get over long prayers. The kind where you need to recite certain sentences and then, go through a certain ritual. Just to remember the correct words are hard enough. What more to say them in the right sequence. So, how on earth does one actually feel the connection with God when the brain has to go buzzing and whirring for the right words, huh?
Some of my most inspiring moments are those which I spent doing nothing. Being a mom, I don’t get that many chances to just do nothing. It is always breaking up fights, refereeing arguments, listening to grouses or screaming for peace on earth. Of course, I am thankful for the noises and ruckus created by the kids. But there is only so much one can take without grumbling, ok?
I have been hoping for that chance to go for some silent retreat. Wish I have the opportunity to drop everything and go to that place in Janda Baik or better still, in Chiangmai. But I guess those are wishful thinking for a person like me who have a million things to do. But never mind, God has His way when we have His Will.
It is only in silence and with totally nothing to do that I can actually ‘hear’ God. The stirrings in the heart. The courage that can only come from Him. The fire to do something for His kingdom. The willingness to forgive. The peace in the heart to just endure. So many other things that actually make life much meaningful.
It is funny how ironic things are. Here I am, wishing for solitude and even ready to pay for them. And I believe there are millions out there, who have to live with solitude or rather loneliness and not even having enough money to feed themselves. Sigh…I am rambling too much. But that’s probably God telling me to get real and get in touch with the self.
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