Today, I deal with something that I have read but not yet apply before. Sometimes, a person has problems breathing their last when they have issues that are unsolved. For the loved ones, it is a very painful process to see the dying person struggling in great pain, fighting for the next breath and losing all reasons for living. In our hearts, we silently hope our loved one will finally breath his last, take a long rest and be in the eternal world. Painful as it is to no longer have them, it is much more painful to see them around with all their pains and discomforts. But life is not like that. One does not have the ‘red button’ to terminate life.
I once shared with my son’s doctor that if there is a red button, I would have pressed it because I’d rather surrender my child to the Divine Being than to see him struggling like that. He assured me that is what most loving mothers would do.
One doesn’t die just because one wants to. But sometimes, we can help them by way of unloading their burdens and find ways for them to reconcile with their own misgivings. As a pastoral care person, I am there to just listen and listen without giving my own opinions. It is listen, listen and acknowledge I am still listening.
It is not easy to just listen because in between those chats, I have to find things to say to comfort the person and yet, not giving them false hopes or making them feel even more frustrated.
Sometimes, these patients merely need a little bit more attention from their loved ones. If I have my way, I would take their handphone and call up the person the patient is dying to see. But I do not know if that’s beyond my scope of work. So, it is rather heart-wrenching when the patient looks forlornly and said something like “I wish to eat (some favourite foods) and yet, my (relative) not free to go and buy and bring to me.” My human self want to just drive out and get whatever the patient wants to eat. But I think it is not the food but rather the presence of the loved one who are just *never free enough to come* that the patient needs.
So, whenever I see a patient with a loving mother/husband/sister/friend who faithfully stays with the patient, I will tell the caregiver how great they are and remind the patients how loved he/she is. As for the lonely ones, I can only cry with them. They will continue to struggle and fight, hoping to clear all the debts of their lives before they are willing to leave in peace. Whether is it something they owe someone or someone owes them.
Lord, I pray that You will have mercy on all and grant them the ability to put a closure to things and be willing to accept Your will, whatever that is – health or return to Your heavenly kingdom. For I do not know how to reply when a dying person says, “We are all here, suffering like this and God is laughing up there, not doing anything.” Though I may be able to tell them God cries when we cry, how are the sufferings going to believe when pain and cancer wrecked havoc on their mind, body and soul?
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