The greatest mistake a parent made

Both my hubby and I were the youngest in the family. He is even younger than some of his nephews and nieces. Meanwhile, I was 10 years younger than the last sibling. Therefore, I already have nephews and nieces when I was as young as 10 years old.

This gives both of us a very good foundation as parents. We can see our nephews and nieces grow up from newborns to adults. For me, I could observe my sisters and brothers-in-law type of parenting and eventually, evaluate the kind of adults my nephews and nieces turn out to be.

Though I may not imitate their style of parenting, I still know what works best. For example, I can see that they do punish and reward, being strict and relax and they have certain principles of their own. At the end of it, all my nephews and nieces grow up to be great adults.

The other thing is, there is no problems in any of my siblings’ marriages and my nephews and nieces too marry nice folks and have loving marriages.

However, on the other hand, I notice that some other children may not be so lucky. Some ended up with divorces and other problems including drugs, debts and suicides.

But the most prominent thing I observed is the parents’ too generous behaviour. They give and give and give. They never reprimand. They never punish. They even chided me when I disciplined my own children. They gave me all sort of remarks that children are to be talk to gently yadda yadda yadda. There is nothing that irks me more than meddling folks who jumped right in when I am scolding a child, in the PRIVACY of my own home. I have kids who did dangerous stunts and I will smacked them on the spot to remind them how dangerous it is. For eg. sprinkling hot water into my bubbling oil or daring each other to leap from high places. Or if they are being rude and inconsiderate.

So, at the end of the day, what do we get from those children who were so pampered? Children who grew up to be selfish adults. They place their own interests beyond everything else. Adults who cannot take no for an answers. Adults who think the world owes them. Adults who think that just because they have their own two feet and arms, they can do anything they like because they were never told what is wrong and what is not acceptable.

These same adults will find it problematic to live with their spouses because they are so used to having the parents giving in to their every whim and fancy. They think giving is a form of love, disregarding the consequences. They never think twice about the giver and what price the gift because their parents never show them life is hard. They had lived in a cocoon.

I think even God in all His loving kindness still do not give us unconditionally. God gives what works best for us. God knows how to evaluate. God makes judgement, wise ones. And as parents, that’s what we should do too. Give but set borders and limits. Show our children that we are not able to fulfil all their wishes and we have our limitations. Use our much more mature mind to judge if it is something worth giving. Otherwise, we are doing them a disfavour because they will be the ones who have problems fitting in and living a life acceptable to others.

I know I ramble a lot but I am sharing what I see unfolding right in front of my eyes. Putting money and own comfort ahead of everything else, including parental love.