The precious RM2

I think I have befriended this feisty old lady for about three weeks or maybe a month. She speaks heavy Tamil accented Bahasa Malaysia and it is quite hard to understand what she says. Nevertheless, I am drawn to her because of her feisty character. She is always in command. She likes to ask the nurses who are they talking to on the phone, she complained about the foods, she would insist to walk to the loo for her ‘business’ and refuse adult diapers.

The nurses often joked with me, “Aiyoyo…look at her lah…with us she is already so stubborn, I pity the family when they have to deal with her.” Sigh..maybe it is because of her firm stand and her strong character that I am drawn towards her.

Sometimes, she would be so mad with the hospital foods and will be scolding everyone around her and banging her things to show that she is angry. The nurses who delivered the foods, the tea ladies who collected the plates and just anyone. But since I have the inner confidence that I am in pastoral care, I have the courage to wrap my arms around her shoulder and firmly tell her, “Ammah, lu tak suka moi pun kena makan. Lu tak makan, mana boleh kuat. Makan sikit lah…sikit saja….”

Since I only see her three times a week and I have the option of avoiding her when she is in a bad mood, I guess I do not feel so pressured being with her.

As her family is from Perak, she usually stays during the weekdays and go back during the weekend. She is already 80 years old and has so many grandchildren but cannot recall how many.

One of the thing I learnt about pastoral care is to treat the person next to us as a person. No matter how weak, frail, unconscious, smelly (patients do B.O. in the middle of conversation with me, praise the Lord I must be shielded from puking in front of them LOL and I hardly smell it) or whatever condition, I have to treat them as the person they used to be.

When she first came, I ran to pick up her shoes for her and fitted them on to her feet while she was sitting on the hospital bed, struggling to get her feet on the grounds. The hospital attendant was a male and his job is to push her to radiotherapy. Nothing more than that. I supposed she must be touched with my action. Secretly, I was also touched with my action because it is a humbling experience to squat down and slot the shoes into a person’s feet. I have never even done that to my parents-in-law or my mother. I did it on the spur of the moment and it was only much later when I was driving home, I went “hmmm….wah, Lilian, how come you can do such a thing ah?” And I know the Lord has changed my heart, make it ever new….(you know the song?) For someone like me, that is akin to Maundy Thursday. And this is not forced upon me but it came to me unconsciously.

The dear old lady often forgets that I am a Christian. Normally with dear old ladies like them, they like to talk religions and rituals as they have been through a lot. So, one and off, she will ask me if I sembahyang (pray) to this god and that god. I will chat with her about the nine emperor gods, guan yin and Lord Ganesh and Lord Murugan. But at the end of it, I will sheepishly remind her I am a Christian. I told her I sembahyang Jesus sahaja. I told her she can ask the nurses to bring her down to the garden in the hospital grounds for some sun. In the garden, there is Lady Miriam. I told her Lady Miriam is emak Jesus lah. I told her we don’t pray to Miriam but if she likes, she can always ask Miriam to help her. I assured her that I pray to Jesus every morning before I start to visit her and I pray again when I want to go home.

So, on Tuesday, she told me she is going home to Taiping for several weeks. Then, she called me to come closer and she looked around suspiciously. She took out her purse. I was worried if she is going to tip me! OMG, what am I to do? But thank God, she took out RM2 and asked me if I can buy candle and pray on her behalf. I was so touched. I told her I cannot take the candle and burn then but I will put the money into the offerings box. And during masses, the Sisters will light the candle every morning and evening.

I pray she will be healthy and well and celebrates Deepavali meaningfully with all her children. I pray that the children and grandchildren will know that this may be the last Deepavali and I hope they make it the best for her.

My hubby and I also gave the best Chinese New Year gathering for my mother-in-law just before she lapsed into coma and eventually passed away. That ability to do it for her leaves a life long comfort for us that she had the best we could offer.