I think most of us Christians often go through this phase of worthy/unworthy roller coaster in our journey. Sometimes, we feel we are like eagles, ready to soar and excel in whatever we are doing. Sometimes, we paused and wonder if it is ego or God who is pushing and egging us on.
When we pause, we will wonder why we have these special privileges, skills, blessings or whatever positive vibes we are feeling. We will wonder why God loves us and bless us. Those ugly monsters of feeling unworthy will rear their heads. Eating into our confidence and conscience. Making us stumbling over. Stop in our tracks. Crawl back into our little dark holes and close our eyes. Hibernating.
Let me put a Youtube video of Casting Crowns ‘Who Am I’ which I found through blog buddy’s Christian site ‘JustPraiseHim’.
I think this nicely reflects the kind of feelings I have. One minute, I think I am able to achieve many things. Next minute, I feel the world won’t miss a thing even if I don’t do it. Another minute, I see what profound effect it will have on others’ lives if I do it. Yet, another minute, I wonder if what I am going to do have any purpose at all.
Such are our struggles. But Isaiah said :
“but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)
And here are some parts of the lyrics from Casting Crowns ‘Who Am I’ that I often asked myself ;
Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
And the assurance is the Lord always say, ” You are mine”. We are never too small, too insignificance, too useless, too stupid, too sinful, too unbelieving, too ignorant, too (add your own negative thoughts) for Jesus Christ. We can always say, “I am Yours” and changes will come from Him.
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