So, I hit a wall. I have to bear the costs, the expenses, no dealing with my online work and it seems like too big a bargain for me.
I am told that for the first unit, I won’t get any financial help unless I show I have the ‘material’ for it. Then, the amount I spent will be reimbursed back to me. Of course, I have confidence that I am built for it. But how can I spend several thousands Ringgit to prove I have the material? And at the end of it, whom am I proving it to? This doesn’t make sense to me.
Sure I can fork out the amount but what’s the point? It will then turn out to be another job. That’s not what I want. They could have agreed to give me the initial moral boost and I could even work for free. But no, it has to be my money first, then, if I go any further, I will be tied down to several years of contract. Several years of a regular job with regular time.
Still, I am not going to be daunted yet. Let me speak to one more person and see what he thinks. Should I just close my eyes, fork out my own money, go for it and then, decide what the next course of action will be? Should I just tell myself to forget it, enjoy my cosy life and don’t ever attempt to be so adventurous in future? Should I just carry on with my regular routine like what I am doing now until next year and join the next batch?
Bah, only God knows. Oh ya, apparently the main party that I enquire from, responded that they only help the poor and the needy with their money. So, yeah, they don’t help the not-so-poor who have potential to help the poor and the needy. That puzzles me too.
Anyway…I don’t know to feel disappointed, frustrated, amused, relieved or what. I suppose it is times like these when I will just throw it back to the Lord and tell Him, “Nah, I give up, I am through with talking.” When I plan too much, I was reminded to let You deal with it. When I don’t enquire enough, I come to all of these situations.
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