The wind has changed

My blog buddy sms-ed me, asking where have I been. She has not seen me online on MSN nor see much postings from my Make Money blog. We normally spend time exploring ways to make money online. In fact, we are the few rare Malaysian bloggers who made five digits (in Ringgit Malaysian) per month for several months until we reach a point when the mention of RM10K per month means nothing anymore.

But I had a change of wind at the beginning of this month. Part of it is due to my focus on my ailing relatives. All those turmoil of watching people dying sapped me off the desire for frivolous things. When I earn, I spend. A lot. On unnecessary stuffs that I can live without. When I see the agonies of those people who are in the government hospital, sometimes 12 to 15 persons in an open ward, I asked myself what’s the point of having all my expensive creams, gadgets and stuffs when all we are going to do, is to end up dead, some day.

I want to be sure that when it is my turn, all weaken and helpless on my dying bed, I have something to look back to. I know the boast of “I could make so much and so much American dollars” means nothing. Sure, I could afford better hospital and maybe private nurses. But, the agonies will be the same.

Instead, I want to remember that I have done some differences in others’ lives. Well, I don’t know what I am going to do to achieve that. I really do not have any concrete plans or who I will end up as.

But I am certain that if I don’t step back from this “making as much as I can in a month” craze, I won’t have the mind to think about bigger things. At the same time, I guess I have mellowed a lot. I had proven that if I focus on making money online, I could do it. Now, I want to prove to myself that I am also capable of spreading the Good News online.

I read somewhere that many sites, which may have the best intention of spreading the Good News, did not achieve their mission because their sites are not build as user-friendly. I do agree. Even my church official site looks too fearful for anyone who are impartial to religion. It screams, “RUN! God is going to bite your arse if you hang around!” (Pray my committee does not read this because I was part of the team. Hehehe.)

To me, if we ever want to spread the Good News, we have to appear regular, not intimidating, no holy-moly air and just being one of the people. Jesus never went to the Pharisee to preach. Jesus stop and chat with the Samaritan woman instead. Jesus never open a clinic and ask people to queue up to heal them. Instead, He just go about His business and heal people along the way.

So that pretty explains why I am no longer the competitive person. I am doing some soul searching, finding priorities in life and setting new goals. Moreover, I am loving the challenges of discovering more about my faith, learning to be tolerant and most of all, when I am going to be dead one day, I want to be sure that I have tried everything there is to try. (and what’s that? Getting dirty with all these faith stuffs. Trust me, when you talk about faith issues, things get nasty and dirty. Not dirty in a perverted way but muddled and confusing. And that spells lots of flames and challenges. iLikey!)