For the last couple of years, I have stopped taking an active part in grief support because it is tiring to keep listening to newly bereaved parents. Yet, on and off, new people join my Yahoo group grief support. I think it is the only online support group available here in our country. The group is non-religious based and I usually reject religious people who tried to join the group. I only accept parents who have lost a child.
Maybe tired is not the word to describe why I have stopped doing this sort of grief support. Maybe it is too jaded. I have heard so many shocking and sad tales of how parents lost their babies and children. After a while, it becomes almost like the same story. Either the baby died due to birth defects, illness, carelessness on the part of the babysitter, accidents or something similar. So, when the numbers piled up, one become another. It is so hard to keep up my spirit to console these parents.
I do not believe in dishing out standard replies because each grieving parent deserves my full attention and personal concern. Yet, there is only one of me and I can only open up my wounds and wearing my heart on the sleeves for so many times before I become tired.
I tried encouraging all the other members to provide and share their stories with those moms who just joined but some never did. I remember how eager I was to tell my son’s story over and over and over again when I lost him. It is like a sedative to be able to cry over it over and over and over again. So, I am not sure why the newly bereaved moms are not opening to the others because that’s the only way one can recover from the loss of a child.
It is to talk about the child, the loss, the heartaches, pains over and over again. Cry till there is no more tears and one day, you will find something to laugh and you realise the sun always rise, however bad you feel inside. One cannot keep and suppress those feelings because the they will never go away. One cannot run away from grieving over child loss. The only way is to face it, talk about it with other bereaved parents and take one day at a time.
Now, I have about 4 newly bereaved moms and I can only hope that they will lend each other their support because I truly cannot bear listening again. Seven years is far too long for me to keep identifying myself as a grieving mother.
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